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Saturday, September 25, 2010

Ready For Hollywood

Writer's Note and Disclaimer: The following piece can be injurious to your mental health and perhaps wealth (if you end up seeking medical attention). If your brain cells are not adequately designed to process political satire and humor, then the writer's warning is to stop reading. Jog, walk, run or go on the treadmill. Return when you have those cells in motion to bear the highly "inflammatory" material.

If you have the pre requisite cells to process the information, and do laugh occasionally and smile frequently, or vice versa, you may find the information some what useful. In the event that you do laugh after reading this and increase some blood in your body, don't forget to donate the extra blood to the Red Cross.

Ready For Hollywood

I read a news item in
thenews.com.pk dated September 19, 2010, where the beautiful Angelina Holy (by the way, this is how her name Jolie is read in Espanol) giving compliments to our own PM, Joseph Juliani (by the way this is how Yousuf Gilani is read in English) on his great looks and called him perfect Hollywood material. I am sure that PM Sahib was totally floored by the generous offer of the greatest seductress on the entire planet, but humbly declined the offer to see himself on the 70 mm screen in the multiplexes of Amreeka.

Our PM Sahib prefers to act in the
Assembly and tries very hard to demonstrate that he is the PM (read Part Time Minister). See every thing in our country is lop sided. We have a Parliamentary form of government, where the El Presidente is supposed to be just a figure head. El Presidente is supposed to be cutting ribbons, smiling for photo ops and making the speechless speeches. But in our nation, despite all the amendments we have the Almighty Presidente and a Part Time Minister. The Pharoahs are cringing in their mummies and want to offer their unconditional allegiance to the Pharoah of the Pharoah of all times.

Speaking of El Presidente, now if he is given a chance to demonstrate his charms in Hollywood, on and off screen he would not only send the Deniros, Stallones and Hoffmans of Hollywood to oblivion, but may very well include the Paramount and Fox in his portfolio of many ancillary businesses. The unparalleled entrepreneurial spirit that our Presidente demonstrates is actually going to become a case study for Harvard Business School.

What a "He Man", we have. He can turn any Palin red by giving her a look and a line. Now I am not sure, if Palin turned red in rage or that is just a staple for her party. You know R for red and R for Republican. But in any event, our most eligible Bachelor (read widower) of a President has the screen appeal, which is unmatched. He knows his dialogues very well and any time when he runs out of the lines, he always knows that "democracy is the sweetest revenge."

In the league of such high flying performers, we have some others as well. There is one in London, now he may be a misfit in Hollywood, but he can give some badly needed life to Lollywood. Only if he is allowed to make a triumphant return to now barren, Baari and Evernew Studios. He can give a new dimension to the Punjabi flicks, where tone, pitch, volume and passion is solid Punjabi, but the dialogues are in chaste "Laalu Khaiti Urdu." I am sure that many heroines would kill each other to be paired with the angry middle aged man. The only problem is that all the stables in Pakistan do not have a mustang ready to bear the weight of the Supremo.

Speaking of weight, the two brothers of impeccable reputation of weight (figuratively speaking) from Punjab have been throwing their weight behind the idea of "democracy." The elder one is waiting in wings to become the Ameer again of the Sultunate of Pakistan. As soon as he becomes the Ameer, he will make sure that all military generals will be retired. The ones who refuse to retire will never be sent to Sri Lanka. If they insist to go to Sri Lanka, they will never be allowed to board a commercial plane. The Army Generals will have to take a speed boat from Karachi to Lanka at their own risk.

Now if good looks were everything, we have a Khan, who can give all Khans of Bollywood combined, run for their money. But our Khan, got side tracked and got into the some other useless political game. I mean he still gives sleepless nights to many females around the globe, imagine him replacing Stallone in Rambo Part 22. He will definitely make the cash registers ring at multiplexes around the globe. Can some one please tell him that he got into the wrong line of work. At this rate, he can always win at least one seat in National Assembly till his last breath. With one seat, you know the only change you can bring is, in the color of your shlawar kameez.

So folks, if you think that we have dearth of talent, think again. All our leaders are solid screen material. They are crowd pullers and have the ability to connect with masses. Their appeal is second to none. As the saying goes, "the show must go on", they are able to put on a good one, till some villainous General decides to drop the curtain on them, and that too rather abruptly.

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